The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
