i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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