There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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