Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
