She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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