Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
