I wish I could punch you in the face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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