Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
