i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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