hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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