YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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