I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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