So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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