Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
