i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
