I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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