i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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