I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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