Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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