There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
