i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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