Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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