i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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