is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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