I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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