Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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