Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
