If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
its liver damage thursday
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
