i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
