Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
