Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
