i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
