That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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