I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im six kinds of drunk right now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
