so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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