dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
