Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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