from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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