i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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