You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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