remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
