just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
