Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize