It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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