I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
