I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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