I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
