We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
