He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
