I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
