Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
