Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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