Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
