my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
