Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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