he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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