you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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