i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
