Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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