Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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