I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
