I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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