So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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