I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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