I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
