evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
as a side note pls kill me
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