Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
