i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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