why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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