You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
