you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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