Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
