I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize