in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
