i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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