i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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