The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
