I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
