I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
