Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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